Hopelessness
by Deja Know I Been Lookin For Vu
Summary: Luke can't take rejection anymore, and he is ready to resort to drastic measures. Is there hope for him in the form of Mara Jade? L/M.
1. Chapter One

**Title:**** Hopelessness****  
****Author:**** Deja Vu  
****Summary:**** Luke can't take rejection any more, and he is ready to resort to drastic measures. Is there hope for him in the form of Mara Jade? (This was written when I was a beginning writer at 15 or 16 and thus probably isn't the most plausible thing in the world.)  
****Rating:**** No language, drug overdose, depression.  
****Disclaimer:**** I don't own Star Wars, but this story is mine.  
****Characters:**** Luke, Mara, and others.  
**

* * *

**  
**"Luke," Han Solo said sternly, trying to reason with his brother-in-law. "You're one of the most eligible bachelors in the galaxy. Why don't you just try giving someone a chance?"

"Try not. Do or—"

Han cut Luke off. "Don't you spit that mindless philosophy in _my_ face, kid."

"It's not mindless—" Luke tried to defend his former Jedi Master, but he was interrupted again by the persistent smuggler.

"If you never try, then how in space are you supposed to know whether it would have worked or not?"

Luke didn't reply. He just looked down at the ground sadly.

_Oops_, Han thought. _Must've struck a nerve._

He tried to perk the Jedi up, "That one gal—Selane wasn't it?—sure was throwing herself at you...And she's not that bad-looking either..."

"Han!" Luke exclaimed. "You're married!"

"Yeah, but I ain't dead," the older man gave one of his famous rogue grins.

Luke chuckled. "Yet."

"Hey, c'mon...I _know_ you want a family, kid. I can see it in your eyes every time that you play with the twins and Anakin. But how in space are you supposed to _find_ that perfect person if you don't even give anyone a chance?"

Luke merely shook his head slowly from side to side. Han just didn't understand...Luke _knew_ who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with...

And it was no longer about _him_ giving someone a chance...It was about _her_ giving _him_ a chance.

He'd tried to turn his attention towards other girls, but his attempts were always fruitless. After his heart had finally accepted that Callista was _not_ the right girl for him, he had come to an important realization: he knew exactly who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He'd never really believed in soulmates until it had hit him that there was one woman who had effortlessly captured his heart the day he met her. Like a stubborn fool, it had taken him years to finally admit that to himself.

She wasn't perfect. But no human was.

Yet, he loved her despite her flaws...No, he loved her _for_ her flaws. She made him feel human...Unlike others who made him feel as if they thought of him as the omnipotent ruler of the universe.

He had waited his whole life to meet and finally marry the girl of his dreams...

But he couldn't wait anymore.

* * *

It was a thoroughly depressed and somber Luke that went home that seemingly unimportant night. Of course, that was his general mood nowadays.

He slowly but purposefully walked into his room and glanced sideways at the chrono. 1056 hours.

He sat quietly down on his bed, heaving a great sigh and looking down at his hands dejectedly. His were hands that could wield a lightsaber with ease, and even easily support his body when he turned upside down to levitate boulders with his mind...But they _weren't_ hands that had gently and without pretense touched the soft cheek of the woman that he loved...And _that_ was what he wanted. Not strong hands that were meant to harm, but gentle hands that were meant to caress.

He sighed in frustration and loneliness, gradually lowering himself onto his bed.

He _knew_ who he loved.

_But she doesn't love you,_ a dark voice whispered in his ear tauntingly.

_I don't know that!_ he sent back to the disembodied voice, trembling.

_Don't fool yourself. You're just a worthless farmboy from Tatooine. Why would _she_be interested in _you

Luke's jaw tightened, and he clenched his fists. "No!" he shouted into his pillow, sobbing. He pounded angrily on the bed. "What did I do to deserve this!"

After a few moments of muffled yells, he suddenly quieted and stilled.

Luke stood up decisively and strode swiftly into his 'fresher, looking into the mirror with a slight feeling of disgust.

A gaunt face covered with stubble stared back at him. He gently rubbed his face, watching the movement in the mirror.

After making a grunt of frustration, he shoved his left hand against the sink, not even grimacing as pain shot up his arm like an electric current. He looked down at his hand emotionlessly. Sighing, he shook his head slightly in a disapproving manner. Then his critical gaze raised back to the mirror.

He had lost a lot of weight. He hadn't been eating much lately; his appetite had diminished greatly due to his growing depression. It was no wonder that Leia had persistently begged him repeatedly to come to dinner at her place. He was in need of a haircut and shave desperately, and his eyes were blood-shot from lack of sleep. But he no longer cared about his appearance.

Why should he?

_She_ didn't care about his appearance. She didn't care about him at all.

Yes. She was one of the closest to perfect beings in all of creation...but to her, _he_ was just scum under her boot.

She was his soulmate!

But evidently she didn't care. Didn't care about him...didn't care about his life.

Luke's blurred gaze remained fastened on the mirror in front of him, but his thoughts were still on the woman he loved. She was strong where it counted, and she was as beautiful as life itself. But she didn't love him.

Yes...He had finally realized that he had found the woman he wanted to _spend the rest of his life with_. But the chances of her _ever_ feeling the same way about him were slim to none. If not less than that.

If she'd only give him the opportunity to prove himself, so she could see him for who he truly was..._Then_ Luke could finally feel like he actually belonged somewhere and be complete inside and out. But there was little likelihood she'd agree with his sentiments...And he couldn't wait forever. He couldn't stand the hurt any longer.

He looked out beyond the open 'fresher door to where his lightsaber lay invitingly on his bedside table. Almost like it had aboard the Death Star when Palpatine had _asked_ him to take it and strike him down with it.

He'd taken it...But he hadn't been able to kill Palpatine. He had been stopped.

And fate would probably stop him again if he took _that_ way out.

The Jedi shook his head in a barely perceptible manner. The lightsaber was a no.

He reached up and opened the medicine cabinet, and the mirror slowly swung to the side with an ominous creak that whispered, _Do it...Life holds nothing more for you..._

It was with reluctant finality that he opened the bottle and spilled the contents in his awaiting hand.


	2. Chapter Two

"I'm sure the kid will be fine—" Han was interrupted by a frantic princess.

"Fine? Fine?" Leia exclaimed incredulously. "_That _is what you said last _week_! Han, he's lost _fifty_ pounds!" She rolled over in bed to face her husband, the worried expression on her pretty face clear to Han even in the darkness.

"Honey, I think you're—"

But Leia Organa Solo wouldn't let him finish. "Did you _see_ how his clothes were hanging off of him!"

"Sweetheart, you're exaggerating," the smuggler managed to get in, suppressing the urge to place a pillow over his head and doze off into Dreamland. He was worried about the kid too, but he wasn't as young as he used to be, so _doing_ that worrying at late hours was _not_ something that appealed to him.

Leia sighed, forcing herself to take a deep breath,so she wouldn't snap at her husband and use him as an outlet. "Maybe I am..." Seeing the smug look on Han's face, she quickly added, "—a little."

Han opened his mouth to reply, but he was interrupted by the doorchime.

Giving Han a look that plainly said that the discussion wasn't over, Leia slipped out of bed, put on a robe, attempted to flatten her disarrayed hair into some semblance of order, and glided silently over to the door. She was a vision of loveliness and perfection, but when she slapped the door's open button it shattered the graceful image.

A concerned security guard was outside, appearing incredibly nervous at the message he had to relay.

Leia was suddenly alarmed. "What happened?" Security guards didn't call upon someone at midnight without good reason.

Biting his lip, the man answered shakily, although he built up more confidence the more he spoke. "S-sorry to disturb y-you at this late hour, but we had an anonymous call from someone that _insisted_ we check on Jedi Master Skywalker. I sent one of my men inside, and they found him in an alarming state. Heinet _immediately_ sent out a comm call for the paramedics. When they finally got him to the medcenter, he had been that way for approximately one hour."

"What happened?" Leia reiterated. Han appeared silently at her side, a supportive presence in case she chose that moment to faint, which was growing ever more likely.

The man averted his eyes to the floor, and said in a low voice, "It is believed that his condition was caused by a drug overdose, although I haven't talked to the doctors yet, so I'm not entirely sure." The married couple's eyes widened, and he continued, "We've been keeping it under wraps for various reasons. First off, we don't want to undermine the Alliance hero's image, as that might scare off prospective Republic members, and second off, we don't know whether it was a suicide attempt or he was deliberately drugged by someone who intended to murder him. The doctors are surprised that he's lasted as long as he has." Seeing the question in Leia's eyes he answered before she spoke, "I'm sorry we didn't contact you sooner, but it's been hectic, and quite frankly, we haven't had the time."

Han put an arm on his wife's arm, trying to remind her silently not to hyperventilate, something which she was close to doing. "Take me to him!" she ordered. She wanted to see her brother _now_!

"Calm down, Leia," Han muttered. He was glad that Chewie had persistently argued with him when he'd told the big lug to go to Kashyyyk and visit his family—the Wookiee would be able to keep an eye on the twins and Anakin. He thought about leaving a message, but he dismissed that idea. He could call Chewbacca later. He needed to see his brother-in-law now.

The security guard nodded, "Yes, ma'am."

* * *

After what felt like ages to Leia, they finally arrived at the medcenter. The security guard disappeared right after he directed them to the front desk.

Leia insisted on seeing her brother immediately, but the receptionist disagreed, telling them that Luke Skywalker was in a critical condition and could not, under any circumstances, be disturbed.

They were pointed in the direction of the waiting room, and both of them were surprised at the sight in front of them. Mara Jade was peacefully, albeit apprehensively, seated by two downcast Noghri who quickly stood up when they saw the two humans.

Han lifted an eyebrow in surprise, but Leia spoke first, "What are you doing here?"

One of the Noghri replied, "We heard of the son of Vader's condition and came here, although they would not let us in to see him...We feel that we should have been there to protect him."

"Ekhrikhor," Leia gently said, "—you cannot protect us from_ every _unfortunate situation...And you don't_ have_ to be here. Luke is in the medical facility's hands now. You two should go get some rest."

"Exactly," Han agreed, pointing a finger at the short but vicious-looking alien.

"But Han clan Solo—"

"Don't you 'but' me!" Han snorted. "Now scram!"

Ekhrikhor mewled softly and reluctantly gestured at the other Noghri to follow. They disappeared silently.

"They're everywhere," Han stated in an amazed tone as he shook his head in mock-fascination, trying to ease the tension. The loyal Noghri _did_ manage to cover a lot of ground...

Leia rolled her eyes at her husband and turned to Mara Jade, who was still sullenly seated. "And you?"

Mara Jade looked the Chief of State in the eye and stated firmly, "I'm here to see your brother."

"Sounds suspicious if you ask me," Han muttered, earning himself a jab in the ribs with Leia's elbow.

Ignoring him, Leia asked, "How did _you_ find out about Luke?"

Mara shrugged, "I have my sources." The look on her face told them to drop the subject unless they both wanted two smoking holes in the middle of their chests.

"Do you know how he's doing?" Han asked quietly.

Mara shook her head. "No. They've been keeping it quiet."

"I guess all we can do is wait."

* * *

And wait they did.

But after about forty-five minutes of Han and Mara's gossiping about the fates of various smuggler contacts, Leia couldn't take it anymore. She walked up determinedly to the receptionist, with Han tailing behind warningly. Venomously, she spat in a commanding tone, "_Listen_ here. I am _Chief of State Leia Organa Solo_, and no matter _what_ you say, we _are_ going to go see my brother."

"But—" the receptionist was cut off.

"_Now_." Leia looked more intimidating than Han had _ever_ seen her (which was saying something), and apparently the woman behind the counter felt the same way.

Giving them a disapproving glance, the lady typed a few words and pulled something up on her computer screen. She gave them his room number, and Leia swiftly dragged her husband through the halls, Mara Jade striding sleekly behind them.

When they entered Luke's room they saw a 2-1B and a male and female doctor tending to the sick Jedi. The male doctor looked up at their entrance and started. "You're not allowed in here."

"Tough," Han smirked. "We're family."

Mara was about to make a smart-aleck comment aimed at Solo and his ancestors, but she reconsidered. She would probably be thrown out if she said she _weren't_ related. So she opted to seethe silently inside. _I'm going to kill you one of these days, Solo...If a bounty hunter or your wife don't get to you first. _

"You're still not supposed to be in here," the white-coated man insisted.

Tired of wasting his time, Han brought out his blaster. "Deal with it." Now it was _Leia_ that wanted to murder him.

The doctor's eyes widened, and he nodded frantically. Aggravated, Leia told Han, "Put that thing away before you kill us all!" She turned to the frightened man, "I'm sorry, but my husband gets carried away sometimes. Perhaps you've heard of him? Han Solo," she stated, as if it would explain it all.

And indeed it did. At the mention of the famous rogue's name the doctor understood the situation very well. "You may stay for a few minutes, but we _need_ quiet." He threw a glare at Han, who was about two feet taller than him.

"Thank you," Leia sighed, glad that _that_ was finally over.

During this exchange, Mara had walked over to Luke's side. He was sweating and shivering as he tossed and turned. She took one of his hands and held it in hers silently. She gently rubbed her finger across it and turned her sad gaze onto his face.

The droid spoke to her quietly, "Be careful. He's been vomiting frequently."

Mara just nodded in reply. Luke seemed to calm down in her presence, and his tossing and turnings gradually began to cease.

The 2-1B looked at her in as curious of a manner as a medical robot could pull off. "His fever appears to have dropped a few degrees...Perhaps it would not hurt if you _did_ stay..."

Mara merely nodded her head again, minutely. She couldn't talk right then even if she _wanted_ to.

"What kind of pills were they?" Han asked loudly.

Wincing, as if fearing that the smuggler would strike him, the medic replied, "It was a strange mix of a few variants of spice...as well as—" he coughed, "—aspirin."

"Aspirin," Han repeated non-believingly.

The doctor turned to the less-threatening Leia hesitantly. "It also appears that there is a slight remainder of vodka in his system."

"What?" Han was incredulous. "So basically what you're trying to tell me is that he had a headache and decided to drown it out with an entire container of pills...and a bottle of vodka for good measure?"

"Sounds like something he'd do," Mara quipped quietly from the ill man's side, trying to ease the tension in the room, which was so thick that it could have been cut with a knife.

Leia turned and glared at her, and Mara merely shrugged innocently.

"I'm merely telling you the facts. _You_ can draw the conclusions," the doctor told them.

"Will he live?" Mara brought up the question that the Solos' had dreaded to ask.

"We pumped his stomach and gave him—" the medic was cut off by the rude ex-smuggler.

"Spare us the technical talk and answer the question!" Han jabbed the flustered man in the chest.

The doctor sighed, "There is a good possibility that he will live...But it is too early to tell. Had he not been a Jedi I am sure that he would have been dead long ago."

The statement hung in the air until the female doctor turned to them, "I hate to ask you to do this, but could you please leave?"

Han was about to shoot off his mouth and tell them that no, he _couldn't_ leave, but Leia restrained him. "When can we be back?"

"We'll call you when his condition changes. You should go home and get some rest."

"Fine," Leia pulled her husband outside. She couldn't bare to see Luke's fever flushed face anymore. In her state of worry, she completely forgot that Mara had been in the room with them.

The male doctor ordered, "That goes for you t—"

But the 2-1B interjected, "Sir, his condition improved noticeably when she sat down beside him. Perhaps she should _stay_."

The exasperated doctor shrugged, "Sure. Why not? It's not like things can get much worse."

* * *

"How in space did Luke get _his_ hands on spice...?" Leia inquired skeptically.

"Beats me," Han replied a bit too quickly.

Leia sensed the catch in his voice, and she cautiously dragged out her husband's name: "_Han._..."

"I don't know!" he declared, his voice a little squeaky. At a disbelieving look from his wife he muttered something incoherent.

"What was that?" she inquired, trying to look her husband in the eye.

"I said 'When you were away'," he repeated.

"Away?" Leia was confused. "Away where?"

"You were on some diplomatic mission to some planet that _I_ wasn't allowed to go to, because they—" he adopted a nagging voice, "—'hate smugglers even _more_ than the Mon Calamari do.'" Leia's facial expression instructed him to continue unless he wanted to sleep aboard the _Falcon_ instead of on the couch.

And so he did. "I was basically bored out of my wits...and Luke looked like he needed a little action as well, so I convinced Chewie to watch the kids and promised not to do anything _too_ dangerous. I inquired around with a few of my contacts and finally found someone who needed some cargo transported from Coruscant to a planet not far from here. It wasn't until we got the stuff aboard the _Falcon _that we found out what it was. It turned out that some Outer Rim druggies had done some strange mixing and found out that a few variants of spice mixed with aspirin would give you the ultimate high...And if you added a little alcohol it'd give it a much stronger kick. They developed a pill, and if you took one of them you'd be floating on Cloud Nine for days...But more than one could prove fatal. It was outlawed of course, and we had a few run-ins with the authorities..." Seeing his wife's face he added, "—but we didn't kill them, of course! We just...disarmed them. And they weren't _Republic _ships, they were from a neutral planet."

Han told the rest of his story in a rush, so that Leia couldn't get a word in edgewise. "When we finally got to our meeting spot, we brought a Rodian back to the ship. He examined the cargo, and seemed very displeased that a few bottles were missing, although everything else was unharmed. I didn't think anything of it at the time..." Han trailed off as he gave himself an inward kick.

Leia cleared her throat. Han shook his head to clear it. "But he was happy that we'd gotten it to him safely, so he paid us full price. I used the money to make a few repairs on the _Falcon_. It took the kid's mind off things for a while, although he eventually returned to his gloomy mood...But you can't blame a fellow for trying..."

"I can...And I _will_."

Yup. Han certainly wasn't lucky enough to get to sleep on the couch tonight.

* * *

Mara gazed down at Luke with a troubled look etched onto her face.

She'd always been so used to pushing people away...It wasn't completely her fault. Her former life as the Emperor's Hand hadn't allowed her to ever really get close to _anyone_. She hated how she'd had to live back then, but for some reason she still clung to the habits that she had made all those years ago.

It had been hard for her to accept the Jedi Master as a friend, but when it had finally happened she had felt like a load was taken off of her chest. But as the years went by, her feelings for him had begun to run deeper.

And now, because of her stubbornness, she might lose him...Before she could tell him how she felt about him.

And even if he _did_ survive, he'd probably never want to see _her_ again. He had become increasingly frustrated at her constant turning down of his request for her to complete her training, as well as his tentative attempts to get her to have dinner with him and the Solos.

And now it was probably too late.

Her habit of distancing herself from any emotions not linked to anger might have cost Luke his life.

All because of her fear.

She couldn't remember how many times Luke had said that fear was of the Dark Side...And indeed, it felt like the Dark Side had been conspiring against her even on the first day she'd met him in person.

Yes. Unfamiliar feelings had been stirred up within her even on that first day on Myrkr. And it was mostly because of those feelings and her master's teachings that she had rejected, from the beginning, all of the kindness he had showed her. Mara was so afraid of being hurt that she hadn't considered that holding herself back just served to put her through more pain and even served to make Luke go through it, too.

Admitting her real feelings was something that Mara Jade had never done. At least, admitting her true, non-aggressive feelings.

She knew that he felt something for her...And she knew that _she_ felt something for him.

But she still remained afraid of commitment. It was one thing for her to commit to her business, because there was no way she could be hurt. Sure, she could be shot down by an angry employee, or she might get annoyed at a dishonest businessman, but they didn't have the power to rip a jagged hole in her heart if things went wrong.

The idea of being hurt by a relationship frightened her greatly. Her dark past hinted that that was exactly the thing that would happen if she got too close to someone. Yet she still yearned for a close relationship with someone without the fear of pain from rejection. But now her chance was gone like a dry leaf...carried away by a merciless wind.

She wanted to let herself love him, but she was so afraid at the thought of losing him entirely. And so she still clung to her dark past, despite Luke's giving her the hope of a bright light that could diminish any troubles.

Luke would have given her everything that he had in an instant. But she had still turned away from him, and now she had to pay for her non-thinking insolence.

She turned and looked down at the unconscious Jedi. And he would pay, too.

Mara knew that this was not just an accidental overdose...And she hated herself for it.

She hated her fear, she hated her past...and she hated her hate.

She felt a lone tear streak down her face, and she wiped it away shakily with a finger. She had to be strong right now...For him.

She took a tissue from the nightstand next to his bed and wiped his mouth gently with it. She set it down, then rested her head on his arm, placing her hand on his belly and lightly tracing circles on it. As she did so, she sent a Force tendril out to reassure his tortured soul. Then she set what little healing powers she had to work.


	3. Chapter Three

It had been two days since that night Mara, the Noghri, and the Solos had rushed over to the hospital. Luke's vital signs had continued to go up and down like a rollercoaster, and his family and friends worried about him.

Mara had persistently stayed by his side the whole time, and she hadn't had any sleep despite her drooping eyebrows. The doctors had tried to get her to rest, but after she had snarled something vulgar at them and pointed her blaster to emphasize her point, they'd decided to let her be.

Luke was still unconscious, and Mara continued to weakly try to heal him. Leia and Han had visited several times, but Leia had other duties so they couldn't stay too long. Han had just left after bringing Mara a small meal and drink. She didn't thank him for it, but he knew that she appreciated it even if she didn't verbalize it. She finished it quickly and concentrated on using the Force again.

_Don't you _dare_ die on me, Luke. I wouldn't be able to li—_

And yet, she couldn't bring herself to admit the words to herself. Admitting that she couldn't live without him felt too much like she was just giving up on him.

And that was the _last_ thing she was planning on doing.

She lightly brushed the errant hair out of his face, studying his features quietly. Unsurely, not knowing what had gotten into her, she leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

He groaned, and she started. His eyes fluttered open, and their brilliant sapphire color startled her. Had his eyes always been _that _blue?

Luke lifted his eyes up to her, and _he_ started this time, finding her head mere inches from his. His confused eyes held many questions.

But Mara didn't feeling like answering them right then. She whispered, trembling, "I'm so sorry."

He opened his mouth to tell her not to be sorry and to tell her that it wasn't her fault, but the male doctor noticed his consciousness and hurried over. "How are you feeling?"

Luke glanced back at Mara, his gaze clearly telling her he wanted privacy.

"Could you give us a few minutes?" Mara inquired as sweetly as she could.

"But—"

"_Now._" Mara's voice suddenly wasn't so sweet anymore.

"Fine," he huffed as he stomped off. This Jedi Master was a lot more trouble than he was worth.

After he was out of hearing distance, Luke spoke simply: "I was supposed to die."

"_Don't say that,_ _Skywalker!_" Mara whispered fiercely.

But Luke, as sickly as he was, felt rather sour and pessimistic. "Why? Isn't that what you wanted?"

Mara's jaw dropped, shocked. "How can you _say_ something like that?" she demanded. "I _never_ wanted you to die!" Her voice became softer. "How could I when I l—" she cut off.

"When you _what_?" Luke asked, a tinge of sadness in his voice. He was somehow managing to keep his body's battle to slip back into unconsciousness at bay. He _had_ to talk to Mara first. Then he would let himself go back into that dark oblivion. But the next time it would be forever.

Mara looked at his face, a thousand emotions playing across hers. She felt trapped, relieved, scared, happy, sad...

She sighed. Was trying to convince him hopeless?

She chose to not answer his question right away, though. "I was asleep in bed," she said, referring to the night that he'd attempted to take his life. What she said wasn't exactly clear, but the Tatooinian farmboy understood nevertheless. "All of a sudden I felt this strange flash of emotions...And then...darkness." She took a breath. "I was so scared, Luke." She didn't even notice that'd she called him by his first name. "I've never been so scared in my _life, _not even when the Emperor—" she cut herself off and cleared her throat. "When I thought that you had died..." she broke off again, closing her eyes painfully. "I wasn't sure what I should do, so I called security. I couldn't _bear_ to come over and see your dead body for myself...But then I felt your presence briefly flicker...And I had hope. I rushed over to the medcenter, and I waited. Time seemed to stretch for eternity, but they finally brought you in, and my heart wrenched. I couldn't _bear_ to see you like that...I tried to follow, but the Noghri stopped me, telling me that I would be thrown out since I wasn't a relative of yours. And so, I waited."

Mara took in another deep breath. "I was terrifed to think that you might die because I was too _stupid_ to reveal my feelings for you." Luke's eyes widened, but she pressed a finger against his mouth to keep him from speaking. "I couldn't bear the thought that you would be dead before I could tell you that I..." She paused. It took a lot out of her to finally admit it out loud and to admit it to him.

"I love you."

A look of relief and elation passed across Luke's face when those words left her mouth, and he looked like he wanted to jump for joy. And he might have done just that if Mara hadn't put a restraining arm on him. "You need to be still. You don't need to be here in the medcenter even longer than you already will be." She gave a small smile. "And I promise, I'll do my best to _never_ hide my feelings from you again...The consequences are too dire."

Silence reigned, until, in an attempt to alleviate the tension, Mara grinned down at Luke and spoke. "So...You tried to kill yourself by following a bottle of pills with a bottle of vodka?"

Luke grinded out, albeit weakly, "I had a headache."

Mara lifted an eyebrow, "That must have been one heck of a headache."

"You're telling me," Luke groaned.

Mara lowered her head, making as if she were going straight for his lips, but she veered at the last instant to give him a small peck on the cheek, although her mischievious tongue darted out for a brief instant. "You vixen," Luke growled, although he had a wide grin on his face.

Mara Jade chuckled, "Don't you forget it."

Luke laughed, too, then he sobered. He looked deep into her emerald eyes. "Mara Jade, I love you."

"And I love you," she smiled, grasping his hand and rubbing the top of it with her thumb. And she did love him. With all of her heart.

Deep inside the Jedi, a bold part of himself prodded Luke to say what he did next. "Marry me."

Mara raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Whatever happened to dating?"

"What? Isn't _this_ your idea of a perfect date?"

Mara surveyed his weak and fragile-looking body with a brief glance. "No, I can think of a more romantic setting than this."

"So?" he wasn't about to be thrown off-course that easily.

She cradled his cheek gently, "What happened to getting down on your knees?"

Luke started to get up, a bit exasperated, "If you want me to _that_ bad—"

Mara pushed him down as easily as she would topple a glass on its side. "You're in no condition to be out of bed, much less on your knees."

She was continuing to distance herself from him, and Luke didn't like it one bit. Gently and softly, he asked, "Yes or no, Mara?"

Mara studied him for a moment. This was a life decision. Minutes ago she had thought that he might die before she could tell him she loved him. Years ago she had wanted to kill him. Now, she wanted nothing more than to share her life with him.

She smiled. She couldn't say no even if she tried. "All right, Skywalker. I will."

Inwardly, she made a solemn oath to always be there for him, through the thick and the thin, for better or worse...

Till death did they part.


End file.
